My wife and I moved a couple of years ago. We found the house we wanted, made an offer in November, and closed in late December. Due to timing and circumstances we weren’t actually going to be able to move in until February. The way it was going to work: my wife would fly out and stay with the kids at her mom’s place while we waited on all of our furniture to make its way across the country, I would make a business trip to Redmond and then fly out to meet them about a week later. More on that in a bit.
A part of the home-buying process is the inspection, and a part of inspection is testing for radon. Radon levels can fluctuate over time, so the company that did our home inspection recommended an additional radon test ~90 days after the test that was a part of the home inspection. So… of the One Berjillion things you have to worry about when buying a home, there’s also some other stuff you have to remember to do 3 months out. Coolcoolcool.
Anyhow, I called to schedule the follow-up radon test. It fell in mid-February and the dates they had available included 2/14, which is the day I picked. The lady doing the scheduling gave a little laugh and double-checked to make sure I wasn’t going to “get in trouble” by scheduling something over top of Valentine’s Day, and without thinking about it I assured her “Oh, it’s okay, my wife and I aren’t going to be together anyway.”
Fast-forward a couple of weeks. I get a phone call from the same lady to verify the appointment for the following day. I was still in California, so I gave her my wife’s number - “We’re not living in the house, but my wife is at her mom’s place and it’s right around the corner. Just give her a call when you’re on the way and she can meet you there.” The lady didn’t sound so sure, but I had a lot on my mind so I didn’t really pick up on the signals.
…until I got a call from my wife 20 minutes later. “What did you tell these people?” The lady from the inspection company had left her a voicemail after hanging up with me: “Hi, this is so-and-so from such-and-such. I just talked to your husband and I know you’re separated and living with your mother, so I just wanted to make sure…”
Oh.
My.
God.
This lady had read between lines that weren’t there and fabricated an entire story in her head. The unhappy couple. The poor wife taking the kids to go stay with her mother. The vindictive soon-to-be-ex-husband giving her a “chore” to do on Valentine’s Day as a mean-spirited sort of “parting gift”. Too funny. (My wife and I are still happily married, in case you were wondering.)
Why tell this story? Well, I think about it fairly often, partly because it cracks me up, but mostly because it’s a sort of object lesson in the exact right way to get the exact wrong message across.
[Bonus material: Key & Peele’s hilarious take on a very similar concept (warning: video w/NSFW language)]