A feature is just a bug in a tuxedo. - David Henke
As a bit of a thought exercise, I’ve been kicking around ideas for “bad social media features” - features that I could very well imagine a Product Manager at a social media company coming up with, but that end up not being such a great idea after all. Here are a few of them, in no particular order:
Venmo
Feature: Displaying the bank account balance for every person you create a request for money from.
User Story: As a payment requester, I want to know how much the person I’m requesting from can afford.
Future Work: Appending your bank account balance to every payment you make (so they know how much you could have afforded. Suckers.)
Side Note: Venmo’s concept of a social media feed of financial transactions between/among one’s connections is kinda nutty.
LinkedIn/Tinder
Feature: Automatically sending anyone you’ve swiped left on in Tinder a connection request.
User Story: As a user of Tinder, I may not be attracted to a person, but I may want to do business with that person in the future.
Future Work: Also automatically sending anyone you’ve swiped right on a connection request (rolled out in a “Mix Business with Pleasure” marketing campaign).
Side Note: I almost didn’t post this one. It’s 100% meant as a joke…but the sad fact is that there are people out there who attempt to leverage LinkedIn as a “dating platform”. It’s a real problem, it’s completely fucking icky, and it’s utterly un-funny.
Feature: By default, hide all comments on your feed posts except for the ones coming from Your Aunt. (You know the one…)
User Story: As an Aunt who is learning to navigate Facebook, I want my niece/nephew to know exactly where I stand on things - whether that be socially, politically, religiously, or anything having to do with what Aunt Wanda has to say about the matter.
Future Work: Why not your Uncle, too?
Side Note: Any connection between the feed post and any Aunt or Uncle Comment (AC/UC, respectively) is purely coincidental.
SnapChat
Feature: Occasionally re-surfacing an ephemeral Snap at random from N months ago (we’ll tune N through A/B testing over various demographics).
User Stories: As a sender of Snaps I’d like the opportunity to develop character and/or humility. As a receiver of Snaps…well…I might-could wanna see that one again.
Future Work: Pivot, and make all previously-ephemeral messages persistently available.
Side Note: The amount of trust that people have in some online platforms is astounding.
FourSquare
Feature: When you check into a bar, the app will periodically post updates about your tab until you’ve left.
User Story: As a user, I want all my friends to know how much fun I’m having tonight!
Future Work: Monthly roll-ups of how much total money you’ve spent at establishments you are the “Mayor” of.
Side Note: Does anyone reading this actually remember FourSquare? Mebbe I’m dating myself a bit here?
TikTok
Full Stop.
heh. Just a little Friday Fun, folks. Have a good weekend.